First let me introduce the major characters in last weekends excursion. Fabrizio, my best friend here in the DR, his nickname for the weekend was Shaniqua Jenkins. Raymond, Fab's boyfriend, will be known as "That White lady", you will understand that nickname as you read the story. Richard, was named Taz, the Tazmanien Devil. Once he starts laughing their is no stopping him. Then that leaves me, Gloria Vanderbilt, the ultimate white lady.
Day 1 San Juan
We began our journey to San Juan on a sunny Friday morning. San Juan is about 2 1/2 hours from Santo Domingo. Fab likes to stop in small towns and check out the river scene. Their are always some naked boys splashing about. Sure enough we rolled up on some boys. I got out of the car to go and pee. I turn around and Richard and Raymond have stripped down and are in the river with the boys. As Gloria Vanderbilt, in my pressed linen capri pants and starched polo shirt, I was not about to get into that water. We stayed for a while, but we had things to do so we jumped back in the car and headed on. This was some of the most beautiful landscapes I have ever seen, with rolling rice fields and a mountainous backdrop that was awe inspiring.
Two rivers and 4 Presidente's later we arrived in San Juan. It was a cute town that was typically Dominican. A town square, lots of motorcycles, and heavy traffic. San Juan is a town of about 100,000. While hanging out in the town square checking out the boys, we were approached by a cute young man. He was asking if we wanted the car washed. Of course we said yes. I was admiring his white rosary that was dangling from his beautiful neck, which was attached to one of the most beautiful faces I had ever seen. He said he got the necklace to ward off evil spirits. Now after that, I was intrigued. He got it from the local witch doctor. He asked if I was interested in having a "reading", with the doctor. I ablidged and said yes. A cute guy on a motor cycle said follow me and we all did. Now normally, I would have kept my mouth shut and ignored this kid, but something inside told me to give this a chance. After a 10 minute ride through the barrios of San Juan, we arrived at a modern middle class home, you would find in any surburban American city. We were escorted to the back patio, where we greeted by some lovely older men who chatted us up. We were all given candles to offer to the spirits (at 100 pesos each). We were summoned one by one to a small dark shed. Inside were pictures of the "doctor's" ancestors, Jesus, and some other folks I didn't recognize. Now I was a bit on edge, I didn't know what to expect. Fab came into the spirit chamber with me to translate. I was told I was in bad health, bad eyes (true), stiff neck (true), depression (true), and a bad knee (true). I was like shit, there might be something to this witchcraft stuff. He also told me I was gong to receive money from the states and also receive bad news from the states, still waiting to see the truth in that prophecy. After paying the witch doctor 100 pesos (20 pesos at the beginning, before he heard me speak English), we headed back into town in search of some food and shelter.
After that experience I was famished. We cruised the area looking for something cheap and tasty, just like me! San Juan was having the festival of St John, so vendors were everywhere. Fab lead us to an open air BBQ joint. As I looked at the 5 chickens and a pig on a spit, I decided that this was not a good idea. He wanted the pork and know one was going to stop him. Richard gave me the "please papi, let's eat here look", I relented and we had the chicken. That white lady, Raymond said no way was he going to eat that horrible looking food. I told Fab his food looked and smelled like ass. He ate it anyway. I will come back to this later.
After food, we needed a place to bed down for the night. We looked at a few places, but between that white lady and Gloria Vanderbilt nothing was suitable in our price range. Fab suggested we stay at a hotel, that was a cross between the Bates Motel and the Westside Club (you New Yorkers know what I mean). That place got a resounding no. We finally settled on a place that was close to the park and for 300 pesos a night, I was not going to argue. Well this place was not the W, not even Casa New Yorker. Their was no water and electricity every couple of hours, but it did the job.
The festival was cool, just think of a State Fair with a limited budget. We hung out and cruised boys, drank beer and played pool. Their was a strip of 3 bars on the main road coming into town. We went to the largest one to see what was happening. We were in this straight bar and I swear their was 1 woman for every 20 men in the place. Straight bar, yeah right. Their were a lot of men talking outside, but most of the action took place in the bathroom. When you have a trauff urinal, anything can happen. Richard and I went to sleep happy.
Day 2 Barahona
The next morning Fab realized that eating that meat was a bad idea, because it was coming out of him like a fire hose. Needless to way were not very supportive. We laughed so hard until our bellies ached. Did I mention their was no water. Richard had to go outside of the room and fill up a huge bucket so I could bathe. We realized at that moment that we only had one towel. Richard went to Fab's room to see if they had extra, no luck. I used that one towel that smelled like 3 rivers. I will come back to the towel situation.
We strolled through the markets looking for some good deals and something to eat. We found an empanada place that was divine. The completo had beef, chicken, cheese and corn for 30 pesos. After two empanadas, I was ready for a nap on the way to Barahona.
This was one of the most beautiful drives I have ever taken. The green lush mountains against the blue of the ocean was spectacular. We drove for about 3 hours to s place called Paradise. In fact it was. The natural springs that run from the mountains to the beach formed a ravine that was filed with cold sparkling water.
Once we got to the beach, we walked for maybe 10 minutes. We looked and we were the only people on the beach, that was heaven. We relaxed in the cold river water and the warm ocean water like we were on our own personal beach. Their is no sand on these beaches, just small pebbles. That was fine with me. It was breathtaking to see the clear ocean water turn to green, blue and then a deeper blue. Relaxing on that beach, I didn't have a care in the world. I was there with people who loved me, cared for me and treated me like an equal. It was very satisfying. Richard and I did the scene from the movie, "From Here to Eternity", those of you know the movie know how sexy that scene is.
While chilling in the cool water, Fab and Raymond spotted a cutie spying on us. They waved him over. He sauntered over with his sunkissed skin and some tight jeans that showed what he was working with, all I could say was, "Lawd have mercy". Just at that moment Richard elbowed me in my ribs and gave me the "you are looking to hard" stare. The young man's name was Edison. He is a 25 year old fisherman. Married at 17 and straight as a Dominican man can be. That story remains in Barahona on the beach.
After the beach, we were driving around the mountains looking at what God created, it was simply beautiful. We were looking for a hotel in the mountains, but stumbled upon another river. Shaniqua found a family having a picnic and joined in their celebration. Once again, there he was eating something, without regard to cleanliness. You would think he would have learned his lesson, but no. Fab and Raymond also found some guys bathing in the river. Their were too many people around for any action to happen. We would have stayed later, but it was hot and we needed to eat. OK, I was hot and needed to eat. Into town we went.
Barahona is a cool little fishing village. I could see myself and the mister settling down there. We found a simple hotel near the club. You can't beat, hot water, air conditioning, and cable TV for 650 pesos for the 4 of us. Sharing the room with Fab and Raymond was hilarious, those boys know how to have a good time.
Richard and I headed down to the Malecon to cruise the boys. These were some of the most beautiful men I have seen in the DR. They are all handsome and with smiles that would melt the butter off the moon. While we were hanging out, Shaniqua's stomach problems returned. I gave him the, "I told you so speech about food", he called me a bitch and then threw up. It was gross and satisfying at the same time.
We headed to the club and it was packed. Boys in tight jeans, girls in tight jeans, boys with their hair done, girls with their hair done, boys with their eyebrows arched....should I go on, OK I won't, you get the picture. The beer was cold and the music was hot. Trust me a good time was had by all.
Day 3 Bani and Salinas
This drive was long and hot. We drove through the "desert" to get to the Salinas Hotel and Marina. This place was gorgeous. It is built right on the bay with a long deck that extends to the marina. The bar sits next to the marina and overlooks the beach and hotel. The amazing views and the helicopter pad make this place a must see. The down side is the cost. We had 8 beers between us and the bill was 800 pesos. No way! I mentioned that I might have packed some Dewars, everybody screamed, "bitch crack open the bottle". We started mixing cocktails and the party was on! We left the high end and went to the low end, Salinas Pointe. This is where the bay ends and the ocean begins. Again, there were amazing views with the mountains in the background, but the people are the sights. Hot boys who have been drinking all day and some dunes near the salt marshes. That spells trouble, in gayspeak that spells fun and a mouthful.
It was getting late and the sun was setting. We headed back to Santo Domingo with some very important lessons learned.
1. Pack the liquor first.
2. Pack more than two towels
3. Don't eat everything you see.
4. Just because a man tells you he is married does not mean a thing.
5. Trauff urinals are a good thing
6. Always travel with people you love and trust, I certainly did.
