Hold Your Head Up

When I was in high school, I dated this girl named Frances. She was the eclectic type who wore church lady hats with jeans. We would spend afternoons lounging in the park reading James Joyce and smoking clove cigarettes. She was the first person who made me feel good about myself. She was gorgeous and fabulous. Of course my mother hated her because as she said at the time, "that girl is to mature for you and besides her parents are not married", spoken by a southern proper church goer.

The one thing I remember about her was that she taught me to hold my head up. She said no matter what is going on around you, always hold your head up and look people squarely in the eyes. As a person with low self esteem and manic depression, this was great advice for me. Every time I felt insecure or depressed I would invariably hold my head down. After that advice I began to hold my head up and summon some confidence. Recently, I forgot that lesson. I was feeling sorry for myself and I was a ball of tears.

I took those feelings to my favorite spot on the Malecon. I was feeling overwhelmed by fatherhood and self doubt. As I sat there and pondered life with my head down, Richard appeared behind me. He put his hand on my shoulder and in plain English he said, papi, hold your head up, we are in this together. He didn't know the story of Frances and his statement took me by surprise. As tears filled my eyes, he gathered my in his arms. I realized that God brings people into you life, just when you need them. in that instant I was consumed with joy and happiness. I have a safe and comfortable home, a man who loves me, a beautiful baby, and a life ahead that is full of possibilities. Sometimes the smallest act, means so much.

As I met many of you over the past few weeks as you visited, I think my blog about Stephanie was confusing. Let me clear that up now. I was not having sex with a woman on the side. Richard and I wanted to have a child together, so he asked a close friend if she would have a child for us. I had sex with her to ensure dual citizenship for the baby, it only took one time. We had DNA testing done for the citizenship paperwork that was required by the US Embassy here in Santo Domingo. I hope that settles things. Richard and I want to thank you for all of your warm wishes and support. The next 20 years is going to be interesting.

I missed the last two Thursdays because of my birthday and illness. So I might as well let the last cat out of the bag now. Richard and I are having a commitment ceremony in a few weeks. I want to keep it private and very special of us. I won't reveal any of the particulars about the event, but I will send Anthony a few pictures of the special moment, so he can publish them on his blog.

Thanks again for all of your comments. I am going to go and raise my family, love my man and live the best life I can.

All the best,
The Byron of Santo Domingo